Bianca Hellenga

I am a mother to 4 children, and one of my children is Autistic.
I understand what it is like to go through the challenges of parenthood. How do I do this? Will I do it right? How do I get my child to listen to me? How can I make my child do that? I certainly had no clue, but the only few things I didn’t doubt were that nurturing my children from a peaceful parenting point of view felt right and that physical punishment did not.
However, the way I approached them was still at times guided by my upbringing, which was the authoritarian “power-over” parenting style. It instilled a lot of fear, shame, insecurity, and self-doubt in me, even though that was not my parents’ intention.

When my first child was born, the identity I had created for myself throughout my life, was no longer resonating with me either, but then what was left? Beyond the fact that I now was a wife and a mother, who was I?
This question sent me on an inner journey that deconstructed my upbringing, the way I perceived things, and the belief system I had lived by for so long. I learned that it was largely influenced by my parent's opinions and that of the people around me and not truly my own, alongside the experiences later in life that shaped me as well.

The kind of relationship I had with my children reflected how I felt within and about myself because of that, and this often led to yelling, friction, stress, tears, and disappointment between me and my children. That's when I made the conscious decision to no longer have my past influence on how I would be able to show up for my children. This created a shift and since then has resulted in a more harmonious connection with each of my children and less stress for me as a parent.
Therefore, I decided to become certified as a parent coach through the Jai Institute For Parenting and support other parents towards a less stressful and more harmonious, and peaceful connection with their children too.

Often we have unmet needs, and so do our children. Without understanding and meeting those needs, we as parents tend to have little patience for any challenging situation that may arise with our child, resulting in anger such as yelling, impatience, avoidance, disconnect, and disharmony.
And the child may exhibit less than enjoyable behaviors in an attempt to get their needs met or an inability to meet our expectations as they are developmentally not able to yet.
Once attunement to both the parent's and child's needs is present, the ability to meet them will also be present and this creates greater peace and harmony, because anger, impatience, and unpleasant behaviors will naturally dissolve.

As an Attuned Parent Coach, I offer a 12 Week Program, and individual sessions, where I support and guide you weekly towards attuning to yourself first so you may understand your needs and how they've gone unmet for a long time, your fears in parenting, and your nervous system reaction to stressors, so you can meet your needs and return to calm in a way that uniquely supports you, which fosters empowerment to do the same for your child.

This is followed by support and guidance towards attuning to your child through an understanding of the "why" behind challenging behaviors and what their developmental abilities are, and understanding their nervous system reaction to stressors, so you can co-regulate with your child, which will strengthen the connection between you and your child.
You will also receive access to the Jai Institute for Parenting's Ultimate Parent Success Course and my private Facebook Attuned Parent Support Group.

My work is strongly guided and grounded by the latest finds and the foundations of Attachment and Nervous System Science, Brain Science work of Daniel Siegel, Non-Violent Communication, Emotional Intelligence, and the Neuroplasticity work of Dr. Bruce Lipton as well as Mona Delahooke's Beyond Behaviors.
I utilize nervous system calming and recovery tools such as EFT tapping and breathwork.